Clean Jokes Corner

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” -- even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your dad a big hug!"


Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

Receptionist, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the blood samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith, "What do you mean?"

Receptionist, "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer, and the other for Syphilis. However, we cannot tell which is your wife."

Mr. Smith, "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"

Receptionist, "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town, if she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

Jesus, Joseph, and Mary were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?"

"No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer, again."


Not So Clean Jokes Corner

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129!

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!


To the Management,

I, Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

Dear Mr Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before age 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags which are full when you enter and empty when you leave... very odd.

Sincerely,

The Management


Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions.

The first guy says his favorite position is the "rodeo."

The other guy asks, "What's the Rodeo position, and how do you to do it?"

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear -

'Your sister likes this position too' and then you try to hang on for 8 seconds."

Clean Cartoons Corner

Not So Clean Cartoons Corner

The Creative Art of Body Works

Look at the fish painted on each cheek. Pictures tell the tale in thousand words.

Contributed by: Angela Ooi.

Hakka Connexion

If you are in Penang, try not to by-pass Hakka Connexion specialising in Hakka dishes. This restaurant is situated in Jalan Bawasah, just behind Penang Plaza at Jalan Burmah and Dorsett Hotel at Jalan Anson. You may look for Peter Wong or his wife Careen Lim.

Allow me to be a food critic, writer and restaurant critic all in one. I am critical by what I will be eating, and my priority goes to spicy dishes, the hotter the better. I am referring to food at this moment otherwise my mind will stray just as quickly as I can gulp down any delicacy.

So you see, I was not keen to try Hakka food. And since the consensus was to try, I guess why not!

I left the ordering to them with a heavy sceptism that the food would not be any good without spices. As a good cook myself (this is serious) specialising in baba-nyonya cuisines, I thought what was there to offer with the usual Chinese style of cooking.

The first dish reached the table and it was pork leg vinegar.

My god! Priscilla and Dave (Dave is the greatest eater among us but just as thin as a bamboo) were slurping the soup away. They sighed with satisfaction and unable to stop complimenting how good it tasted. The rest followed like sheep to a Shepherd, but not me.

Hesitantly, I tried with the tip of the spoon touching the soup and lifted to my tongue to taste. Well, the rest was history!

You know, the choice of food is rather personal - one man’s meat is another man’s poison. The bottom line is just plain simple. It is either you like it or not, be it the flavour, taste or the price that comes with it.

It is still unfathomable how people will say that no matter how far or expensive the meal will cost but as long as the food is satisfying, they don’t mind. I would rather say no matter how far, I will be there but with reasonable charges.

It is like tossing the coin in the air and if it lands on the side you expect it to be, then it is to your favour. It is the same with cooking whether it is cooked to the way you like it or not. No matter what, when the food is served, just eat it!

As usual, the menu lists the variety of dishes with the usual fish porridge, bitter gourd, fish, meat, and etcetera. However, the way they are cooked and the ingredients used will definitely make the difference.

This dish is unique. Abacus balls fried with a sprinkle of some peppers, garnished with spring onion and red chilli is salivating indeed. It is called abacus balls because it is copied from the abacus seeds used in the conventional counting device.

The food served in Hakka Connexion will go down well with a glass of nutmeg juice. This is where you can be pampered in Penang.

We were tickled by Eric when he said that he was synonymous to MBPP (Majlis Bandaraya Pulau Pinang) when he nibbled everything, leaving every plate free from wastages. We love him!

The environment is conducive despite a little congestion. The colonial building blends well with the classical Hakka songs echoed in the air. It could easily transport me back to yesteryears where I was still running around half - naked in my kampong.

So my friends, when you are in Penang do drop by Hakka Connexion – a culinary nirvana of Hakka food, so to speak. The price is reasonable and what else can we ask for? Yes, the address is, 3, Jalan Bawasah.

From the connecting door, the adjacent building houses a photo gallery. Peter Wong is one of the sons of the late Tan Sri Datuk Wong Pow Nee, the first Chief Minister of Penang.

The legacy of Penang’s first Chief Minister Tan Sri Wong Pow Nee is showcased here in a special gallery.

The gallery in Jalan Bawasah features hundreds of photos from the late Wong's private collection of his patriotic past.

His humble beginning was a simple school teacher from Bukit Mertajam and became a man of great responsibility and repute.

Even when he became the chief minister, he was a staunch supporter of the scouts movement, starting his first jamboree in 1966. Tan Sri Wong Pow Nee, Penang's first Chief Minister, was born in Bukit Mertajam, Penang, on October 7, 1911.

He received his early education at the Anglo-Chinese School, Bukit Mertajam, Penang, before he continued his studies at St Xavier Institution, Penang, where he passed the Cambridge School Certificate examination in 1932.

Penang's first Chief Minister, Tan Sri Datuk Wong Pow Nee, died at his residence in Jalan Macalister at 6.60 am. He was 91, leaving behind his wife Elizabeth Law Siew Kim, 10 children and 17 grandchildren.

Peter Wong operates this restaurant, Hakka Connexion offering traditional cuisine and maintains the prized gallery - the legacy of his late father.

Lembah Bujang ( Bujang Valley)

We will be amazed by the wonder of Malaysia’s earliest civilization at Lembah Bujang Archaeology Museum.

The Bujang Valley heritage existence was known when Colonel James Low, a British Resident reported the discovery in the 1840s. The archaeological research at Bujang Valley has been a continuous process since 1960s.

Among the archaeologists involved in conducting research at Bujang Valley were Quaritch Wales and Dorothy Wales, Alesteir Lambs, B.A.V. Peacock, Leong Sau Heng, Nik Hassan Shuhami and the Department of Museum and Antiquities.

To discover the mysteries of Lembah Bujang is to visit and see with your own eyes. Lembah Bujang Archaeology Museum is located at Bukit Batu Pahat, Mukin Merbok, Sungai Petani, Kedah.

This museum is a treasure house of recovered artifacts from historical sites dating back as early as 14th century AD. It was the Arab, Chinese and Indian traders as well as maritime traders from the Malay Archipelago who had made Lembah Bujang Southeast Asia’s central trading port.

The exhibition of the archaeological collections that serve as evidence to the existence of a vibratnt trading centre in Southeast Asia from the 3rd to the 14th century AD. Bujang Valley was also know as Nusantara, “seat of all felicities” was the bustling centre of a prosperous kingdom.

Items include inscribed stone caskets and tablets, metal tools and ornaments, ceramics, pottery, and Hindu icons.

The technique of using pile-dwelling was a characteristic of South-East Asian architecture in the prehistory period. It is still used in the construction of traditional Southeast Asian houses today.

Various types of pottery shards of Sung Dynasty dated to the 13th century.

These tiny colourful particles are also known as “manek” that can be strung as necklace.

Those refine and cut “manek” can be sewn into cloths to use as shoes as seen worn by the baba-nyonya in the later years.

Tamil Poets, Arab merchants of the 4th century and I-Tsing, a monk who sailed from China to India, knew of the existence of this civilization in Lembah Bujang. The Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa (Tales of Merong Mahawangsa) calls it “Langkasuka”.

Offering items with idolism symbols contained in a stone casket reliquary. It was found through archaeological excavation and reconstruction of Bukit Pahat Temple, Bukit Batu Pahat, Merbok, Kedah.

Architecture and culture artifact connected to religion are the proofs to the existence of a Hindu/Buddhist civilization using Lembah Bujang as an entreport.

The spread of Islam resulted in the decline of Hindu-Buddhist influence and the port consequently became less important.. The emergence of new ports such as Malacca and other cities throughout Southeast Asia also contributed to the deterioration of the port at Lembah Bujang.

The surrounding area of Lembah Bujang Archaeology Museum is an ideal place for families as there are recreational activities available. The tropical rainforest landscape is full of flora and fauna unique to the region and is perfect for picnics or hiking.

The serene ambience, except for the hisses of water running downstream is ideal for relaxation.

Todate, more than 80 heritage sites of those rulers were discovered in Bujang Valley. Some of them were found in a large and strategic area.

The areas well-known for their archaeological sites that can be described as complexes are Sungai Mas, Bukit Batu Pahat, Merbok, Bukit Pendiat, Bukit Choras and Pengkalan Bujang Temple complex.

Around the vicinity, the “petai” trees grow sporadically. From a distance, the fruits hang down vividly even the green leaves could not camouflage.

The contents are taken from the pamphlet.