Dawning Eyes

Clean Jokes Corner

The Reverend tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was.

When the boy had told him, the reverend thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."

"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling in fear like all of the passengers in his car.

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."


Not So Clean Jokes Corner

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the female’s skirt. To his delight, he realises she is going commando.

The blonde realises he is staring and enquires, “Are you looking at my fanny?”

“Yes, I’m sorry” replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

“It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it blow a kiss to you.”

Sure enough the fanny blows him a kiss. The man, who is getting really interested, enquires what else the wonder fanny can do.

“I can also make it wink,” says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the fanny winks at him.

“Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick two fingers in?”

Shocked, the man replies, “Fucking hell! Can it whistle as well?!”


A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting

"What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

''You scumbag!" says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"


A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him that "...when you first get married, you want it all the time... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year... maybe on your anniversary."

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Fuck You', and I holler back, 'Fuck you too.'